How Gay Will Oscar Go?
Given that it's Oscar time, I nominate the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences for Best Bunch of Hypocrites. That’s because this year’s dirty little secret is the anecdotal evidence pouring in to me about hetero members being unwilling to screen Brokeback Mountain...
Frankly, I find horrifying each whispered admission to me from Academy members who usually pose as social liberals that they’re disgusted by even the possibility of glimpsing simulated gay sex. Earth to the easily offended: This movie has been criticized for being too sexually tame. Hey, Academy, what are you worried about: that you’ll turn gay or, worse, get a stiffie by just the hint of hunk-on-hunk action?
It doesn't look like the Academy members will have much of a choice.
Felicity Huffman in TransAmerica seems to be the clear frontrunner for Best Actress. Reese and Charlize could cancel each other out. Both were inspiring performances. Though, never count out the British, I guess.
Philip Seymour Hoffman has won both the Golden Globe and SAG Award. His Capote was spectacular and fabulous in every way. I'm not the only one in thinking this one isn't even a race. Heath Ledger can take all the clothes off he wants and Joaquin can sing his little heart out but if PSH doesn't walk home with little ole Oscar, it's a travesty of justice. Then again, Bush is still our president.
From there on out, though, the Academy could give a collective "that's enough." Well, maybe the Cinematography award to Brokeback. The geezers like their nature. And sheep. Baaaaaa.
To be completely honest, I'm not the biggest Brokeback fan. The landscape was breathtaking. The acting was honest and, I hate to say it but, pure. I bought it. From the very beginning. Heath and Jake and Michelle and Anne were the perfect ensemble and the bit parts were meticulously groomed and perfectly placed.
Now saying I'm not the biggest Brokeback fan is just to say that I'm not about to call it "groundbreaking" or "monumental" or "a breakthrough for gay (or sexually ambiguous) cinema" or "the most important film of the 20th century."
I saw the film on Milwaukee's opening day. I ordered tickets online and went with my friend Jamie and fought the huge crowds. I considered driving to Chicago because, I'll admit, I cried when I watched the preview online and I thought I had to go and see it right then and there.
"There are places you can never go back to..."
I mean, come on. Seeing that line on the screen and listening to the theme music, I lost it.
But, I didn't have the same reaction that most people seem to be having about The Mountain.
1) My ass fell asleep at the 45 minute mark. Right about when Heath and Jake were still "coworkers" and bitching about eating beans. I spent the next 14-1/2 hours of the movie wondering if working my gluts at the gym would have helped me to be more comfortable. A little more cushion for the pushin? Or more hard for the guard?
2) I didn't cry. Not once. At three points during the movie, it sounded like the theater itself was crying its eyes out. Complete emotional breakdown. I didn't feel a thing. I cried more watching 54. Now, I loved the performances and I really forgot that it was a movie. But, I didn't ever feel a tear even thinking about rolling out. Well, I'll admit that I felt a little coming on at the end when Jack's mom opened that brown paper bag for Ennis. That one hit a spot. But other than that, it was 15 hours of wondering if I still had a soul.
3) The previews before the movie freaked my shit out. For five minutes, all I saw were boxes and assembly lines carrying dolls in various stages of construction. They all started out looking the same and later in the process some of them were cute little Cabbage Patch Kids, some were bloody amputated messes, some were My Buddy (remember that one? My Buddy, My Buddy, My Buddy and meeeeee....ha!) and some were disgusting half-headed monsters. I don't think Ang would like that preview freaking the shit out of audiences before his movie. Someone should look into that.
4) I should have waited. Obviously, on the first night, the theater was packed for the first showings in Milwaukee. It was the Great Wisconsin Homo Migration. Pridefest doesn't have that kind of draw. I'm not complaining about that, but it stressed my shit out a little. I kept wondering if what I had on looked expensive enough. I went with a light Gap sweater over a collared shirt and my Gap jeans and decent looking loafers. I even wore dark socks. That's huge. Monumental, even.
5) I spent quite a while, 2-1/2 hours or so when nothing was really happening onscreen, thinking about how easy all the porn-adaptations were going to be. It's really not that difficult. But, I think I laughed inappropriately.
In the end, I enjoyed The Mountain. I was thrilled at Michelle Williams and Anne Hathaway's performances. I was impressed by Jake and Heath. I loved the cinematography, score and music. But it still wasn't, to me, "groundbreaking." It was an excellent movie and most deserving of a few Oscar nods. Definitely Cinematography and Directing and, considering the other nominees, I think it could squeak in for Best Picture with all things being equal. Unfortunately, I doubt that the gays will be happier than normal come Oscar Day.
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