I spent all night watching Telemundo, worried sick about you.

I've finally decided on an appropriate reaction to what used to be my favorite show, Project Run-a-f-ing-way.

Until there is vindication for Nick, I am starting The Great Tofu Fast. I've now wholly adopted tofu and henceforth reject all meat.

All this came to me this afternoon. I needed to find a place to release my anger and remember my inner Zen, so I found myself at Outpost. I felt cleansed upon entering. I walked the aisles, searching for a way to explain this crazy crazy sans-Nick and Michelle world.

Then it came to me in the organic whole grain cereal and oatmeal aisle.

Fight ridiculousness with ridiculousness.

There, on the top shelf sat my inspiration. In response to all of the crazy fundamentalist ultra-orthodox Bible-thumpers, I decided to commit myself to Ezekiel.

Ezekiel 4:9 Sprouted Grain Cereal.

The front of the box says:

As described in the Holy Scripture

"Take also unto thee Wheat and Barley and Beans and Lentils and Millet and Spelt and put them in one vessel and make bread of it..." Ezekiel 4:9

A Complete Protein Crunchy Cereal

I didn't really see anyone to whom I could point out the fact that the product isn't, in fact, bread. You know, like Ezekiel 4:9 says. It's cereal. Bread and cereal----two completely different food items. Similar ingredients, but different foods.

Eh, I bought it.

In the very next aisle, I found boxes of tofu and soy milk and soy chocolate milk and what may or may not have been a soy cow. Eh. At that moment a guy who looked a lot like Nick walked by, picked up a box of soy milk and continued on his merry way. I had found my calling, right there in the soy aisle. I grabbed a number of boxes of tofu and made my vows.

Do you know how many things you can do with tofu?

No really, I'm asking.

I have no idea.