Tragic Vegas Part II

Maybe a few more. And considering we were there to play volleyball, perhaps some about the actual playing...

#19: Team Vegas Tragic

There are reasons I say I will never play with John again. It's not that John's not good or that John doesn't know players that are good. He is and he does. It's just that John putting together a team, AND AN A TEAM AT THAT, is much like Stevie Wonder rating America's best art museums. Tragic. Funny and amusing, downright hilarious, but TRAGIC. Unfortunately, when John registered us for Vegas, he did not sign us up for the: "Mostly 6'0 and under, Mixed B/BB, drunk, high, distractingly horny United Colors ad" division.

#18a-e: Did she just...

a) ...face his back to the net...toss the ball up...backwards backspin serve...AND get called for a foot fault? Yes, yes he did. We're fucked.

b) ...pass Kim Willoughby on the NCAA kill and attempts list...after six games? Yes, yes he did. His arm is fucked.

c) ...hit a ten foot line pipe...under the net? Yes, yes he did. We've been fucked, so who cares.

d) ...Yell "GET IT TOGETHER!" before I set the ball? yes, yes he did. With good reason, though so fuck it.

e) ...set match point, tournament one-two-bbq point, into the net? Yes, yes he did. Fuck this shit, where the hell's my drink? Coffee, tea, cigarettes?

Seriously, "She bang, she bang...oh baby she move she move..." had a better showing on American Idol.

#17: Why you gotta be sweatin the brotha?

Apparently it's no longer "appropriate" to set up your own bar at the gym. Before play starts. During play. After play. Anytime. I don't know where Mr. Rent-A-Cop got the idea, but maintaining a steady buzz through tournament play has got to be some kind of NAGVA bylaw. But of course, the only member of Team United Colors that gets busted by the cracka cop is Giniqua. It was, in retrospect, logical to appeal to his sense of aesthetics by displaying the sleek new design of Smirnoff Ice, but not entirely effective. So THAT'S WHY WE LOST. Damn cops. Girl couldn't get her drink on properly.

#16: Provo is so beautiful in autumn.

For a team that has never played together before, doesn't know each other's names and can't, in fact, point to their teammates yet, a practice session or ten is a good idea. However, was there no gym in the ENTIRE STATE OF NEVADA open for use on a Friday afternoon? It's not that I didn't enjoy driving to BYU, because I DIDN'T, but I'm still coughing up dust and tumbleweeds. Nobody else liked it either. Thanks a lot John. We still sucked something sour.

#15: No black soled shoes or prissy nelly bottoms.

Not only did we drive into the heart of Mormon country, risking our lives as it was, but what darling warning did we receive as we began the four day car ride to get there? "Okay, we all have to act straight." Girrrrrlllll. Awww Hellll no. And, for the record, it was Vlad and John that the underage chicken thought were the big homos. Take that bitches. *snap* *snap* *snapsnap*

To be continued.