Tragic Vegas Part I

And without further adieu...ala VH1 Great Things About

Top 25 Most Ignorant Moments, Vegas 2005

Honorable Mention: La Quinnnnntaaa....

I'm not saying that the southwest La Quinta Inn building style isn't cute and cozy and, I'm sure, functional. But, does EVERY non-casino building in Las Vegas have to be built that way? And must Brent yell La Quiiinnnntttaaaa out the window every 5 minutes? Bitch is gonna get slapped...and hard.

#25: Chicken...the other white meat.

If there's a straight boy, "straight" boy or "straight but has only f-cked boys for the last decade or two" boy within three zip codes in any direction, rest assured that Giniqua will know. And I mean "know" in that creepy Highlander-immortal-sixth-sense kind of way. Oh look a fowl has wandered away from the flock...poor things.

#24: "No cameras, camera phones, Etch-A-Sketches allowed..."

I'm not saying that a certain someone whose name starts with Jay and may or may not live on the eastern coast of some country that is the U.S. has pictures of the UNLV men's swim team....showering...in the locker room...wearing...??? But apprently, he might. And by might, I mean he does. If anyone asks, that spot next to the showers was the only spot on the whole UNLV campus that he could get any reception. But, seriously ask yourself: If a university swim team is showering in public, aren't you morally obligated to share that with everyone? Go Rebels! Run! Run! Run Away!

#23: Cosmos aren't just for brunch anymore.

I'm not gonna lie, Mike, John and I started drinking at 9:00. In the A.M. On Friday. 15 minues after I got off the plane, 3 minutes after John ate breakfast and 30 seconds after Mike woke up.

#22: Dear, John...you're stupid.

When you ask John where his shot glasses are, he'll tell you he doesn't have any. And, he doesn't. But if you REALLY need one, they're on top of his refrigerator. I'm just saying they're there if you need one. But, he doesn't have any. Anywhere in his apartment. Except on top of the refrigerator. Right there on top. At eye level, in fact. But, he really doesn't have any.

#21: Porn is the new art.

I'm not saying that anyone named MIKE will search for, download and save as the wallpaper on your computer a hung, hard man draped over some piece of furniture, playing with himself, EVERY time you leave the room. But, he might. And by might, I mean that he will. And does. And then he giggles.

#20: I'm not saying you're sleeping on a porn set, but you might be...

Anyone who has more than two computers is producing porn. Period. End of discussion. I don't buy the whole "internet gambling as a career" excuse. I walked into John's apartment and found: (1) numerous bottles of booze, (2) three side-by-side-by-side computers, (3) a futon in the middle of the living room, and (4) a straight boy in a white t-shirt and boxers "sleeping" on the futon. I don't know much, but I know a porn set when I see one.

To Be Continued...