Shall we shorthand it? NO!

99% of the time I hate rubberneckers. 99.9% of the time I hate pictures of whatever tragic mess Brittney has gotten herself into. 99.999% of the time I despise the political commentary shows where lefties and righties regurgitate approved talking points at each other with increasing volume.



BUT!!! The Rosie vs Elisabeth Smackdown on The View was the greatest thing since that third grader let Quayle think he was the smarter of the two.


I didn't actually see it live. I stopped watching The View just before Starr obviously stopped taking her prescribed Crazy/Bitchy pills. I do love me some Barbara Walters. And Joy Behar. And all the guest hosts.



But I got an e-mail that said I HAD HAD HAD to watch the blow by blow on Youtube.



Y'all it's HOT HOT HOT.



At one point early on Sherry tries to go to commercial but Rosie lays out the backslap, rolls up the sleeves and goes for the jugular. Later on, Joy demands that the directors/producers go to commercial. Undaunted, the Viewies skip -- SKIP!!! - a commercial break to split screen the two throwing bitch slaps.



Trust me. IT'S F-ING AWESOME!!!

There's 6 or 7 versions with over a million views combined. And I'm sure I've got about half of them.

The only thing that calms me after listening to Elisabeth show her utter stupidity and gullibility is watching ALICIA SILVERSTONE!!! No really, Alicia Silverstone. Serious. Alicia Silverstone.

Sherry introduces AS and what followed gave me that warm fuzzy feeling, almost a loving hug from god. AS walks out and STEPS AROUND Elisabeth's outstretched arms. AROUND! Lis sits her ass down and pouts while AS group hugs the other three.

Warm hug from god, I tell you.

It's the television moment of the year and deserves an Emmy and some kind of bitchy, gay, passive-agressive version of a Nobel. Which I think is called a Tony.

Enjoy.

Do you know how hard it is to get sidewalk salt out of raw silk?

Okay, folks. All two of you who read this damn thing.

Halloween 2007.

1) Margaret Cho?

2) Hiro Nakamura?

3) Hello Kitty?

Thank you for your input.

P.S. How f-ing sad is it that these are my 3 options?

But Karen, we're playing poker...

Latest blows to the ego:

-1- Just when I was certain that I can at least claim "intermittenticus alcoholicalism" as a defining characteristic, I have to go and get a serious buzz during beer training at the new job. Seriously, it was just a beer sampler. Soon I'll be getting sugar highs from gum.

-2- Apparently I have a smaller dearth of liquor knowledge than the average middle schooler. I thought my response - "Does it matter?" - to customer questions - "What's your well vodka?" - was my attempt at the funny. Nope. The only liquor that's coming to mind as I prepare for a serious beer & liquor test is Bombay Sapphire. And only because it's the gayest name for a liquor since, "Blowing Sailors Under A Dock Single Malt."

-3- The managers at the new job have all asked about my availability at different times to which I've answered, "Nope, nothing. Totally open, no plans." Which is depressing as fuck the more and more I think about it.

-4- The results of my personality test were 93% across the board. I guess that's 7% closer to Hannibal Lector. Although, thanks to Heroes, we all know who's going to play me in the movie ala Monster. Goodbye Tom Welling. Hello Hiro Nakamura. Fuck me.