Tragic...

I'm back in Milwaukee after what seems like a month in Vegas. There was a general consensus from everyone there for the NAGVA tourney that we all had to get the hell out of Dodge before we all dropped dead or went permanently nutty.

But, all I have to say is...Damn.

Pictures were taken. I remember some of them. I don't remember most of them. Divas Live was a huge success raising a lot of money for char...wait...hmm...let's just say Divas Live was a success and leave it at that. Which I never do.

There will be, in the coming days, a recap of all things Vegas October 28-Nov 1, 2005. This past weekend will go down in the annals as one of the most tragic, ignorant, Anna Nicole T-S fabulous weekends in the history of human kind, and also baboons with their flaming red asses. Apparently my Biological Bases of Human Behavior class at Illinois has come in handy.

To all those in Vegas, Henderson, Provo, Tempe, Idaho and the Four Corners that played host to my and my teammate's debauchery this weekend, I say to you: (1) What the hell happened? (2) If any of you find my cat, Skittles, please call, write or e-mail. I never really knew what she looked like, but work with me will ya? (3) You were gracious hosts but I'm not really sure why the hell John drove us to most of your cities.

In the coming days, as more information is relayed back to me about all the things that may or may not have happend, I will report back for the good of a nation, the benefit of the world and the advancement of humankind.

You think you know. But you have no idea...Diary: Whitney does Vegas.

Some of the Things I Learned in Vegas:
1) There are only two places in Nevada that serve eggs.
2) I feel like chicken every night. All night long. Everywhere. Is my ass red, or did I just de-evolve?
3) I cannot, in good conscience, go anywhere near the east coast...specifically D.C., Boston and New York because Winesha is too much of a tragic mess to be let out ever again around certain people.
4) Tragic is not just an adjective anymore. It's a way of life.
5) Mike, Jay, Scott and John are the reason my mom wants me to move home.
6) Keeping a consistent buzz the entire day of a tournament is the only way to live.
7) Any friend of John is a friend of Dorothy. Seriously people, "metrosexual" is just a rest stop on the highway to homo.
8) Salt Lake City or bust

Of course, there'll be more.

And also, to those who were actually at Krave on Sunday night, the T-shirts will be available as soon as possible:

I SURVIVEDED BRITTANEY IN VEGAAS 20005 1/2

...Bar and Grill

On Deck:

The Top 25 Most Ignorant Moments, Vegas NAGVA 2005

Preview? Of Course.

2) Somebody peel Brittney off the floor. Oh wait, that's just her costume. No, I don't think it is. Whatever, just leave her.

4) Giniqua anoints Wine-isha Malamalamanakoolaumekeainaikapono Lee. But...damn. I ain't gonna lie, it was tragic...

9) Driving 30 minutes just to throw shade to Smeagel at the Cheesecake Factory.

10) Smeagel at the Cheesecake Factory. Somebody just give the boy his damn ring back already.